


to whom it may concern,

by emahsfotnuoccaeht



Series: just the way I’m supposed to be [2]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: F/F, Fluff, bby alina is just doing her best!, clueless gays sksksk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-16
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2019-08-03 07:03:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16321427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emahsfotnuoccaeht/pseuds/emahsfotnuoccaeht
Summary: Anyway, thanks for listening. And being a good secret keeping person that doesn't go behind their friends’ backs even when they want to. Okay. Bye.(P.S. don’t google me.)Love, Alina.





	1. Chapter 1

To whom it may concern,

Hello friend! You don't know me. My name is Alina, and I'm afraid I can't tell you too much about me because I don't want you to figure out who I am. 

If you're smart, though, you will. It’s probably not that hard and I’m probably stupid for thinking this is smart.

I'm fifteen and I live in Russia, sort of without my family, but also sort of with them. They are back home, but I am in Moscow with my grandmother to train. My favorite color is blue, I am a skater, and sometimes I volunteer at an animal shelter on Sundays. My favorite dogs are akitas, when I'm old enough I want to get one of my own. But for now I have a stuffed pup named Maseru. That’s all I’m gonna say for now, because I can’t think of anything else that’s important enough to tell about.

I'm writing this to you because I trust you, even though we've never met. I heard from a friend of a friend of a friend that you're someone I can trust. The kind of person who keeps secrets from the media and doesn't go behind someone's back, even if they want to. It's nice to know that a person like that exists. A real good honest person. 

So you’re my good honest person now friend! Hence why I’m writing you letters! I don't know for how long, I don't even know if you get them. (Like I said, I've never met you. I don’t even know if you’re real.) But it's nice to get it out there, you know? To someone who doesn't know me and can't judge me because they don't know who I am. That's nice. 

Anyway, thanks for listening. And being a good secret keeping person that doesn't go behind their friends’ backs even when they want to. Okay. Bye.

(P.S. don’t google me.)

Love, Alina. 

☆

To whom it may concern,

Nathan has a girlfriend now. I don't know if that's good or bad. Have I told you about Nathan? Well he skates and he has a girlfriend. 

I don't think he loves her for the good reasons. Not by what he told Shoma and I, but he looks happy enough, I guess, and Shoma told me I should just let him be happy, that there’s no point of ruining someone else’s happiness. Shoma makes good points every once in a while.

The downside to this is that now I'm the only single friend, and that sucks because it means I'm awfully lonely. Shoma offered to be my platonic boyfriend, (but only if Yuzuru agrees,) and Nathan said I can date him next if this relationship doesn't work out. I didn't have a heart to tell them I don't really want to date a man, since they’re my best friends and it was such a nice gesture. Though when I have to eventually find a man to date, they would both be good ones.

I have another bad news for you though, and it’s that Evgenia is injured. I know I said Shoma and Nathan are my best friends but I take it back. Zhenya is probably my best friend, since she makes my heart all fluttery and stuff. But anyway, she hurt her foot and now she has to take time off before the Olympics, which sucks for both of us. Her because she won’t get as much training and me because I don’t get to see her as often now. I’m not sure why that matters. But it does. 

Shoma said Yuzuru’s foot was also injured, and I can tell he’s really stressed about it because it’s all he talks about. Nathan and I listen anyway, even though we’re tired of hearing the story. If my boyfriend had a hurt foot I would want to tell someone about it too. I think it’s nice of us to listen to him. I try to make him feel better by saying Evgenia and Yuzuru will heal together, and come back in time for the Olympics. I sure hope that’s true, because I think the Olympics would be scarier without Zhenya there. And because I know how much it means to her. 

Right now my next competition is the Grand Prix Final, then Nationals. Then European championships, then the Olympics. Hopefully. But if I play my cards right Eteri says I have a good shot. (She’s my coach.)

Okay, I have to go now. My grandmother is yelling at me to get some rest because I have an early morning tomorrow. Goodnight, friend. 

Love, Alina.

☆

To whom it may concern,

Finally I have a good news for you, and it’s that I won the Grand Prix Final. I’m feeling proud of myself too, I don’t feel that a lot, because of stuff my coach says. So that’s nice. I also heard from Zhenya after, which is also nice. It makes me happy when she’s thinking of me. Evgenia is a good friend. Another good news is that Nathan won, and Shoma came in second by one half of a point. I thought that was pretty funny, but Shoma wasn’t amused. He also talked a lot about Yuzu, and I would’ve been annoyed except that I talked a lot about Zhenya, even though she isn’t my boyfriend. 

Now that I think about it though, Evgenia would be a very good boyfriend. She listens to me talk (if you haven’t noticed yet, I talk a lot.) and doesn’t yell at me to be more quiet, like most people. She also gives very good hugs. That’s my favorite part about her if I’m being honest, she has very warm and comforting hugs. They always make me happy. If I ever get a boyfriend he has to be a better hugger than Evgenia, because I don’t think she would just let me date her. That’s a shame. If I could, I would want to date Zhenya.

Anyway, Shoma took me and Nathan to dinner and for a tour around Nagoya, which I found a bit funny because I didn’t know Shoma even left his house other than to go to the rink. He only took us because they made a bet that whoever scored lower had to buy dinner, I didn’t mention that technically I scored the lowest, since I don’t have any money to buy dinner. I just let the bet be between them. They like to bet on things like that a lot. My grandmother says that’s just what boys do.

The best part of the whole night was the fact that Shoma only mentioned his boyfriend once! I think that must be a record from him. When we walked into the restaurant he said, “This is the place where Yuzu and I—“ and I don’t even know what he was going to say after that, because Nathan cut him off and said “dude, we don’t want to hear about the intimate details of your love life. At least not before dinner.” I made a disgusted face to help make the point, but I don’t think Shoma saw. 

He didn’t bring it up again, although I think he was tempted to. I can’t really blame him for it though, if I had a really awesome boyfriend who always listened to me and gave the best warm hugs I wouldn’t stop talking about him either. That would be pretty nice. 

Then we walked around Nagoya and saw all of Shoma’s favorite places. You can tell a lot about the kind of person someone is by their favorite places, it’s an intimate thing, almost like they’re telling you all their secrets. And I think Nathan knew it too, because everywhere we went he let Shoma talk and asked serious questions when he was done. I could tell Shoma appreciated the gesture, so I tried to ask some questions too. Maybe someday I’ll get to show them my favorite places too, and answer questions. I’ll have to do that next time we are all in Russia. 

Then after that we went back to the hotel, and we were going to do something else but I was tired and wanted to go to sleep, so I went back to my room. My friends congratulated me, and they said they were always proud of me, and that I should be proud of myself. Did you know how good it feels when people are proud of you? Nobody has ever told me that before! I hope that I am making you proud too, friend. 

Love, Alina.


	2. Chapter 2

To whom it may concern,

Hello friend! I'm sorry it's been a while, but i have some things to catch you up on. 

First of all, I won Nationals! I'm excited because it means that I'll get to actually skate at the Olympics, and that's been my dream since forever. Now I have to prepare for Euros, but I'm not that nervous for it, Eteri said it should be easy for me. I don't really like it when she says things like that because there are a lot of other wonderful skaters that train just as hard as I do, and they deserve to win things too. But I guess that's just not the nature of the sport. 

Also, I got to see Zhenya yesterday! My grandmother invited her over after she heard about her injury, because "she must be bored sitting at home all the time." I forgot how much I love Zhenya, training really is lonely without her. She told me her foot is starting to feel a little bit better, which I was happy about, but also that she wasn't sure if it would be fully healed by the Olympics, which I was not happy about. She said she wants to be ready by then, even if she has to take time off after. I told her her health should come before her skating, but secretly I want her there with me whether her stupid body wants it or not. I didn't think that would be very polite to say, though, so I kept it to myself.

Zhenya looked sad while talking about the Olympics, not like her usual self. I think it was because she knows if her foot doesn't heal in time, she might never get the opportunity to skate in the Olympics again. I didn't really know what I could say to make her feel better, so I just hugged her, because that's what she does for me when I'm sad. And then she hugged me back. And cried. And I cried a little bit too. And we hugged for a long time and just cried together. I hope my hugs are as good as hers are, she's even a good hugger when she's crying. 

I hate it when Zhenya is sad. It makes me feel sad too. I think that's why I cried so much. 

After all the hugging and crying was done, she pulled away and stared at me, really intensely, and it made me laugh a lot. I was laughing so hard that she started to laugh too! I was glad i could do something to make her smile again. But then she wiped her eyes and said my name in a way that made me feel really strange. Like I wanted to kiss her or something. And that made me feel even stranger, and then I couldn't stop thinking about kissing her, and that was even more strange. Then when I calmed down, she got really serious again and said she had to tell me something and it was really important that I didn't tell anyone. I promised I wouldn't, so I'm not gonna tell you what it was. But you should know that it was very important.

It definitely changed things for me, not in a bad way, but in the way that it wasn't something I'd ever thought of before. Huh. Maybe someday I'll tell you friend, but not until I think about it for a while, I've definitely been thinking about it a lot since last night.

Anyway, my grandmother called us down for dinner after, and she made sure we both ate well. I love my grandmother. I'm glad she's trying to take care of Zhenya, too. If I could I would try to take care of her myself but I don't think I'm that responsible yet. Someday I'll thank her for it. 

Evgenia had to leave after that. I gave her another hug before she left, the really long kind. I hope that meant something to her. I also hope I get to see her again really soon so I can tell her the thing I've been thinking about. Maybe soon she'll be back at the rink, and I can tell her then. Anyway friend, I'll talk to you later. I hope you have a good night, or morning, depending on when you're reading this.

Love, Alina.

☆

To whom it may concern,

European championships is in one week! I'm very excited, I've been working so hard on my programs lately and I feel like I have a really good shot. 

I don't have that many friends there, though. Shoma and Nathan are going to four continents instead, which sucks because I miss them a whole lot, and we probably won't get to hang out much at the Olympics, since we'll all be so busy. I'll probably stay with team Russia for most of this competition, because at least then I will be able to understand them easily. Maybe I'll even make some new friends! Who knows? 

I talked on skype with my friends this morning and they wished me luck. Shoma said he thinks I'm the best skater competing and Nathan said I can win no problem, I thanked them, but I don't really agree. I think that my jumps are the only good part of my skating sometimes. I wish I could be a more emotional skater. Like Carolina or Kaetlyn. Then my skating could be the full package, you know? I want to skate the kind of programs that people will talk about for years and years after they happen, like Yulia at the Olympics, or be one of the skaters that everyone knows about even if they don't understand skating, like Mao or Yuna. I think that's a good dream to have, but I don't think I'm there yet. Someday I want to be known around the world for my skating. That would be pretty nice. Or maybe I could land a quad, that would also be pretty nice. Zhenya says I think a lot of things are "pretty nice", but i think It's a good way to think about life. 

Speaking of Zhenya! I have something else to tell you and it's that I've been thinking about The Evgenia Thing. You remember right? Her secret that I can't tell anyone else, not even you. Well I've been thinking about it a lot for the past few weeks and I might have a secret of my own. I'm not sure how that makes me feel. There's too many feelings that i have when i think about it, that thinking about it for too long makes me feel dizzy. I'm not sure if I'm ready to commit to a secret like that yet, though. Or if I'm too young to know. That’s what some people on the internet think. I wish I had someone to talk to about it who wasn't Zhenya, because I'm afraid that if I tell her my maybe-secret I'll accidentally tell her that I thought about kissing her, and then she would be mad, but I'll worry about that later. I have more important things to worry about now. (Like euros.) 

I have to go now. I'm sorry this letter was so short, I'll write soon to make up for it.

Love, Alina.

☆

To whom it may concern, 

I'm really nervous friend. More nervous than I've been in a while. I won European Championships and I really really really really wish I hadn't because now there's even more pressure on me to be the best, and I don't think I want that kind of pressure. People are already wondering if I can finish the season undefeated, and I'm starting to wonder too, in the type of way that I tell myself it's too unrealistic because I don't want to get my hopes up. Nathan and Shoma think I can do it, which is nice, but Eteri said I only won because Evgenia wasn't there. I don't think I can beat Evgenia. When I mentioned it to her she got really quiet, and told me that if I was undefeated this whole season she would be proud, but I'm not sure if she meant it. Probably because that would mean I would be the Olympic champion and not her, and I know how long that's been her dream. A part of me hopes that she wins instead of me, because she's been working towards it longer, but I think if I do win, it'll be because I deserve it. At least we are getting to go to the Olympics though, for a while I wasn't even sure, which I don't think is fair since I'm too young to really understand what that whole mess was about. My grandmother tried to explain it to me but I don't think she got it either. Evgenia, Maria, and I are going to skate as O.A.Rs, which stands for Olympic Athlete from Russia. I do wish I could represent Russia, though, but everybody says I shouldn't complain. So I won't. I'll still think it secretly though, and hope that the next few months go by quickly so that I can get the stress over with.

Anyway, back to the Euros thing. I called my mom after I competed and she was crying. She said she and my dad and everyone else was really proud of me, and wished they could be there. I wished they could be here too, but I didn’t tell them that because I don’t want to make them feel guilty when they’ve done so much for me already. So I just thanked her and told her to thank everyone else on my behalf. That would do for now. Then once I got back to my room I sent everyone back home pictures of my medals, (according to my siblings that made my mom cry even more.) I debated sending one to Zhenya too but I didn’t want to make her feel bad, so I didn’t. But that’s okay because I’m sure I’ll get to show it to her at some point. 

Anyway, it’s nice to talk to you. Thanks for listening, and not holding me to a high standard like everyone else. Thanks. Okay, bye.

Love,  
Alina

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason it took me 184019491 years to do the last like 200 words lol flop

**Author's Note:**

> I swear my writing isn’t normally this disjointed but I was committed to making it seem like 16yo girl diary entries so this. Is what you’re getting. Okay love you bye.


End file.
